So I thought I had made a commitment to do this, and what I find is that I have run from it for days!
Hmmmm, what is it I am afraid of I wonder...that the she inside may raise her head and something I would rather not hear???
And think..then it would be written! How astounding!
Ok so now I am making fun of myself!? All this dithering......
So I decided I would prompt myself....from Dan Millman, The life you were born to live (36/9)
" A major relationship issue for 36/9 involves ideals that block authentic feelings. Because of this they have a hard time expressing themselves honestly. Relationships provide a superb opportunity for growth in this area"
Ok...so ideals that block authentic feelings...
Yes I have to put my hand up to this. I think one of the reasons that it was later rather than sooner for Hector to leave, was because of this...it was very painful for me to let go off the stuff I wanted to be true...
I really had to push myself to accept some of the truths around our marriage....that I did not feel safe....that I did not have any trust in my partner...on any level really.
Initially I tried to counter it...I figured if I just didn't rely on him for anything...then I could not be hurt..could not be held to ransom...could not be punished.
Not only was it exhausting..but it was untenable...we were strangers, and even he noticed that.
With my Mother I have never been completely honest...I don't feel I can be.She is always the victim...always the drama, and so i have always just done what I can to keep things going as smoothly as possible.....and that is patronizing to her probably...and it undermines her, in some way I know. I guess it is the easy way....to just manage her,
but if I am true, then I do not feel that she even knows me...
Before I could be honest with her, I would want to be further from the anger too. I have compassion for her...and her story is sad, but I know there is anger there to...
A refusal to take on the responsibility of her any more......and confusion over some of things that happened....so if I could work through that, then maybe I would speak with her.
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2 comments:
I have tagged you in my blog and asked you to share your current reading, listening and watching tastes :)
To take part you need to write a post telling your readers what you are into right now, and then tag 5 bloggers to carry on the conversation, you also need to link back to my post - it's all about link love :-x
Love,
Prairie Star
At least you followed the tagging instructions! I didn't do any tagging because I didn't think I knew enough people. :) Your new books sound lovely... And good on you for just diving in and writing...I'm trying to just check in every day, and I am surprised at how inspired I've been lately. So much to say...and blather on about. :) Hugs
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