Ok, so I love an invite to chat..thank you Prairie Star :)
I may however be stuck for another five...perhaps time to make some friends?
Ok so the questions are:
1. What am I reading at the moment?
2. What am I listening to at the moment?
3. What am I watching at the moment?
1: Well I just today was able to get in some time at the op-shop, which is my favourite place for books. I always offer a little thought before I go in along the lines of....let the book I am needing, find me :)
So today, I got three books, which is exciting Seven Centuries of Poetry in English' John Leonard (Editor)
Lifelines: 'Australian Women's letters and Diaries 1788 to 1840
and also another one, that I cannot find right now, but is something like "I believe' and is essays from Australian people....religious,political,social ect
I have already delved into the poetry...it has poems from Africa, New Zealand, India, America and Briton..as well as a few others. I can only explain it as ...delicious :)
I am trying to not rush into the Australian women's diary's one....I am so looking forward to it. I just recently read the penguin Australian Women Poets anthology collection...and I have long held a love for the language and imagery of our country when first settled (by white people)....I think it was so alien o what people knew of, and the courage to get through each day, is pretty inspiring.
2: Right at this moment? I am listening to my son, converse with his dog in the other room :) But lately I have been listening to what I call my 'soul sounds'..this playlist includes Billy Holiday, Nina Simone,Lauryn Hill,Joni Mitchell, and a few others....songs that sound like the singer knows what she's on about!
3:Paint dry!! Really....I have some oil background done, and I am waiting for it to dry, so I can go ahead with the rest. There is little on TV at the moment...summer break, and we have been on holidays...which amounts to good creative time for me :) Lots of painting and writing done..some photography, and time at the beach.Yay!
Ok now for the tagging part...I hope this is right :)
http://berlinkat.blogspot.com/
and also
http://cinnyn.blogspot.com/
Monday, January 14, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Blog Two..
So I thought I had made a commitment to do this, and what I find is that I have run from it for days!
Hmmmm, what is it I am afraid of I wonder...that the she inside may raise her head and something I would rather not hear???
And think..then it would be written! How astounding!
Ok so now I am making fun of myself!? All this dithering......
So I decided I would prompt myself....from Dan Millman, The life you were born to live (36/9)
" A major relationship issue for 36/9 involves ideals that block authentic feelings. Because of this they have a hard time expressing themselves honestly. Relationships provide a superb opportunity for growth in this area"
Ok...so ideals that block authentic feelings...
Yes I have to put my hand up to this. I think one of the reasons that it was later rather than sooner for Hector to leave, was because of this...it was very painful for me to let go off the stuff I wanted to be true...
I really had to push myself to accept some of the truths around our marriage....that I did not feel safe....that I did not have any trust in my partner...on any level really.
Initially I tried to counter it...I figured if I just didn't rely on him for anything...then I could not be hurt..could not be held to ransom...could not be punished.
Not only was it exhausting..but it was untenable...we were strangers, and even he noticed that.
With my Mother I have never been completely honest...I don't feel I can be.She is always the victim...always the drama, and so i have always just done what I can to keep things going as smoothly as possible.....and that is patronizing to her probably...and it undermines her, in some way I know. I guess it is the easy way....to just manage her,
but if I am true, then I do not feel that she even knows me...
Before I could be honest with her, I would want to be further from the anger too. I have compassion for her...and her story is sad, but I know there is anger there to...
A refusal to take on the responsibility of her any more......and confusion over some of things that happened....so if I could work through that, then maybe I would speak with her.
Hmmmm, what is it I am afraid of I wonder...that the she inside may raise her head and something I would rather not hear???
And think..then it would be written! How astounding!
Ok so now I am making fun of myself!? All this dithering......
So I decided I would prompt myself....from Dan Millman, The life you were born to live (36/9)
" A major relationship issue for 36/9 involves ideals that block authentic feelings. Because of this they have a hard time expressing themselves honestly. Relationships provide a superb opportunity for growth in this area"
Ok...so ideals that block authentic feelings...
Yes I have to put my hand up to this. I think one of the reasons that it was later rather than sooner for Hector to leave, was because of this...it was very painful for me to let go off the stuff I wanted to be true...
I really had to push myself to accept some of the truths around our marriage....that I did not feel safe....that I did not have any trust in my partner...on any level really.
Initially I tried to counter it...I figured if I just didn't rely on him for anything...then I could not be hurt..could not be held to ransom...could not be punished.
Not only was it exhausting..but it was untenable...we were strangers, and even he noticed that.
With my Mother I have never been completely honest...I don't feel I can be.She is always the victim...always the drama, and so i have always just done what I can to keep things going as smoothly as possible.....and that is patronizing to her probably...and it undermines her, in some way I know. I guess it is the easy way....to just manage her,
but if I am true, then I do not feel that she even knows me...
Before I could be honest with her, I would want to be further from the anger too. I have compassion for her...and her story is sad, but I know there is anger there to...
A refusal to take on the responsibility of her any more......and confusion over some of things that happened....so if I could work through that, then maybe I would speak with her.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
First blog......ever :)
Ok so this is the begining of the adventure......
I have to call it that, as I have no clue where this will go, or what things will be revealed!
My aim, is just to get writing....no matter what. I have always longed to write...and then havn't.
I think it ha to do with putting something down, that could later be bought back.....
When I was about 13, I had a friend find and broadcast the contents of my diary...it was a painful, humilitaing experience, and i have never forgotten how it felt to be confronted by things I had said months before......
Still I figure I am no longer of that age.......and a blog although on the web, feels to me safe somehow...
I guess because my intimate family will not be reading this....so at present I have no fear (or not much) of any judgement.
So a new thing to start in the new year.......thanks to the wisdom of a friend I am wanting to 'add more' this year....and more writing is definately on the plans! Also more health...by way of giving up the fags, and more eating too!
Anyhow if I can just get myself into the habit of putting thoughts down regulary then that will be good.....mostly though, I want to do this for me......to see what comes if I can move on from the fear, and really just let myself put down the things I really feel..
I have to call it that, as I have no clue where this will go, or what things will be revealed!
My aim, is just to get writing....no matter what. I have always longed to write...and then havn't.
I think it ha to do with putting something down, that could later be bought back.....
When I was about 13, I had a friend find and broadcast the contents of my diary...it was a painful, humilitaing experience, and i have never forgotten how it felt to be confronted by things I had said months before......
Still I figure I am no longer of that age.......and a blog although on the web, feels to me safe somehow...
I guess because my intimate family will not be reading this....so at present I have no fear (or not much) of any judgement.
So a new thing to start in the new year.......thanks to the wisdom of a friend I am wanting to 'add more' this year....and more writing is definately on the plans! Also more health...by way of giving up the fags, and more eating too!
Anyhow if I can just get myself into the habit of putting thoughts down regulary then that will be good.....mostly though, I want to do this for me......to see what comes if I can move on from the fear, and really just let myself put down the things I really feel..
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